Making Values Visible

Hello Everyone,

 

I hope you are having a wonderful summer.  I feel like it is flying by.  I have been at school quite a bit this summer, but the slower pace, along with some beautiful hikes and trail runs, has made for a lovely summer thus far.  I am looking forward to seeing all of you and hearing about your wonderful adventures when we return in August – it is not very far away!

 

One of the things I love about the summer is that it gives me the chance to take a step back and reflect on what we are doing well and where we can improve.  A consistent goal of mine is to make sure we are truly living our K-8 mission: to empower students to take risks, think deeply, embrace diversity, develop an emerging sense of self, and find joy in learning.  I love the word joy and think it is imperative that we include that in our mission.  We want our kids to be happy.

 

But what does that look like?  As it turns out, what might make them happy in the short term will not necessarily help them grow into happy, confident adults.  For instance, it would probably make our kids happy if we let them eat ice cream sundaes for breakfast every day.  Instead, we strive to instill habits of the mind and heart that allow our children to make choices that will keep them healthy and, therefore, happy.

 

Similarly, we should strive to instill in our kids the values that allow them to be empathetic and altruistic because, not surprisingly, doing good for others really does feel good – it’s a win-win.  I heard on NPR about an interesting experiment proving this fact.  Researchers surveyed a number of people on their level of happiness.  Those same people then received an envelope with a small amount of cash and a note inside.  Half of the people received a note that told them to spend the money on themselves before the end of the day.  The other half had a note that told them to spend the money on someone else or donate it to charity.  At the end of the day, participants were called and again asked how happy they were.  The folks who spent money on others were measurably happier than those who had spent money on themselves (there was no difference between the two groups in the morning when first asked the question).

 

I love this experiment because it proves what we always tell our kids – it really does feel good to do good.  But somehow most of us view people as inherently selfish and in need of multiple rules in order to do good by each other.  David Brooks wrote about this phenomenon in the New York Times last Friday.  He challenges that notion with research that shows that babies form neural connections through love and care.  Think about the fact that the best way to help premature babies gain weight is simply to hold them – they physically thrive when forming a loving connection with another person.

 

But if assume that view that people are inherently selfish, we can squash their natural sense of altruism.  One of the examples Brooks gives is of a daycare center that instituted a policy that required parents to pay a steep fee if they did not pick their children up on time at the end of the day.  The result: the amount of parents picking their children up late doubled.  People had made a point about being on time when they were considering others (the employees of the daycare center), but when it became a financial transaction, they did not feel that same moral obligation.  Similarly, if we reward our kids for doing good, they may lose sight of the intrinsic award that comes naturally from such action.

 

At Dawson, as at many independent schools, we have a set of core virtues.  In our case, these virtues are respect, compassion, integrity, and courage.  But how do we make sure that we really are working to instill these values in our students?  Clearly, just putting them in the handbook isn’t going to suffice.  And quizzing students on knowing the virtues and then rewarding them for their knowledge clearly is not the way to go.  Still, we do need to talk about the virtues but not in an abstract, removed way.  Every year, the middle school students gather in their advisories to discuss the core virtues and what they look like in action.  What does it mean to show compassion?  What’s a concrete way to demonstrate integrity?  Students brainstorm lists of real-world actions that illustrate the virtues.  We then create a Middle School Constitution for the year.  Every year, the preamble is the same: “We the 2016-2017 [the year changes, of course!] Dawson Middle School in order to form a more perfect community establish RESPECT, ensure INTEGRITY, provide for COMPASSION promote COURAGE, and secure a fun and thriving middle school for ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the Dawson Middle School.” But what comes next varies from year to year.  We always have four Articles, one for each virtue.  And what is listed under each article is the result of the brainstorming that our advisories did.  So one year, it might say, “Being a good listener,” under compassion (along with several other examples) or “Don’t be afraid to try new things” under courage.  This way, students have really had to think and talk about how these virtues are embodied in our everyday lives. 

 

Once we reveal the Constitution, all members of the community sign it, and we hang it in the kiva so that it’s visible to all.  It’s something we refer back to repeatedly over the course of the year, whether in advisory, class, or individual conversations. 

 

Most importantly, though, is the work of modeling these virtues on a daily basis.  I always tell our Peer Leaders at the start of the year that while their work in more official programming is important, it is the small acts that really make a difference: saying hello to a fifth grader when passing in the hallway.  And faculty, similarly, can make a big difference through small acts – taking the time to ask a student about their day or joining a group of students in a game of soccer during break.  The more we model these behaviors, the better we feel, and the more likely we are to pass them along to our students.

 

If you’d like to read more about the experiment I mentioned earlier, click here:

 

 

If you’d like to read the David Brooks article, click here:

 

 

Enjoy the summer, and I will see you in August!

 

Take care,

Heather